Easy to slip into but difficult to stay or get out. They say true love comes across once a lifetime. Yep. Damn right. It comes once but they don’t ever talk about it staying, do they? And why not? Simply for the fact that human perceptions are like a ball filled with the past. And yet, the quest for it never ends. Look up to the future holding the past in my head hoping for a ray that will provide enough justification for me to disbelieve the past. Is that what it is?
And why does past play such a role? Why are we so attached to the past? Because we are
historical in nature. The very fact of our birth is a product of events that span further into the past than imaginable. Few agree, a lot disagree and most do not understand this equation. But this is the logic that drives people to behave and think the way they do.
Anyway, back to lovely Love. I feel a sense of bloody outrage when I listen to people professing true love, continuous love and never-say-die love. For all you know, one, you are lying to yourself. Because you don’t love anyone any more than what you are getting in return, May be your thoughts are shrouded by inadequacies in emotional intelligence to the effect you don’t even understand why you feel what you do for another. Two, people change. You change. I change. Environment changes. Three, you are in a never ending quest for answers that satisfy your ego; of course, you have to in the least convince yourself, if not boost your ego about your own greatness. Constantly brooding over the defects in the other doesn’t make it any better. And there are pathological cases. People who get so attached to one idea or event in the past that it completely blinds the sense of purpose. Misdirection yet another.
Let’s consider this. I may not understand a person. But I am only too keen to show to the
individual that I am there with him/her in all his ideas, his life….either it’s just an effort to increase my presence in the individual’s scheme of things or I genuinely want to know. In both these situations, I have to be prepared for the unexpected. Expecting a response that is acceptable by my standards sounds pathetically immature. You are exploring new ground, trying to experience and expose yourself to ideas and events that you never knew. How can you ever expect them to fit your current perceptive framework? Does it sound insane yet? Wait. There is another. I need to have an open mind. Err….what’s that? Yeah, yeah, I have a very open mind. But as soon as I hear something that conflicts my current belief system, the brains fall off through the same open space and emotions take over. Then comes a series of imbalanced acts. Classical traits are that you show utter care and concern when the individual is present while when they are absent you are busy brooding over history for answers.
Second point in people professing true love, that makes it sound absurd, is the relative acceptance of the individual’s past. Know about it. Don’t judge it. You weren’t there when those events happened. You don’t even know what you would have done in the same situation. It’s only imaginable but nothing more. May be, in your sane and well kept mind you have done things that would have pissed the shit out of people yet you would have felt justified about it. You cover it up for yourself, you can justify to yourself and you can forget it, since it is your “past” and does not necessarily have any meaning in your present. This is exactly how you would like others to treat you. Have you observed that when someone discussed an unpleasant event from your past all you could muster up was a frustrated angst for the person and get defensive in front of that person? First, the person is a good friend so they appreciate your emotion and the turbulence. Second, the same logic of “How does it affect my life?” works there. If you were to show you angst and emotion in front of anyone who was party to the event that took place in the past, you would reactions much different from this one. Why? Something of “mine” is at stake…reputation, pride, property or ego. This is what drives you to find a confident for yourself instead of taking it out on the individual concerned. Moreover, it’s always a matter of how transparent you live you life that enables you to probably be daring enough to challenge your own behavior in front of the affected party.
Third thing to true love is the sense of integrity and commitment people speak of. I can probably write enough to fill the pages of a book on human evolution for this part. But I will try to make it short:
1. Definitions and principles: It’s not about better or best, It’s about “What is” and “What Ought to be”. Unfortunately, when you deal with an individual, who is sure of whatever they do whenever in time and live life with no regrets, you are against a stone wall. They will not try to fit themselves to your framework. That’s the simple truth. Second, how much of their principles, ethics, definitions etc, no matter how unacceptable they may seem to you, have landed them in a state that they would kick themselves for their actions? So have you ever landed in such a state? Then you should now know better than to question “Why?” There are always two things about anything. About knowledge, it’s this. You either know or don’t. Then you got two options again. You either accept of give up. You cannot stand in the way questioning aspects of a phenomenon that is not in your capability to comprehend. That is the established fact of life. If you do, all you’ll end up is in a state where you feel dazed and hopeless. Now again, there are people who come back and have questioned me about my principles, knowledge, ethics etc that I have framed all of these to suit my personal preference.
Well. Now I’ll tell you why it seems so. Before that let me tell you that this is not a mechanism to confuse you. If you think the objective is to confuse or if you have got yourself confused in the above paragraphs, it’s your sheer inability to comprehend the subject at hand and not an intention. People with string logic have always, historically, been blamed for creating confusion. Not that what they said didn’t make sense but it’s just the immaturity of the audience. And then because of the same immaturity and repeated instances of “confusion” you brand the individual as smart and cunning but not the one to believe. Back to the subject of personal convenience. Say I have a principle that I follow, like I do not drink and drive. Now I have worked on this from the stage of it being just a thought, analyzed with all available facts, synthesized a process for adaptation into it and finally put it into rigorous practice. Remember, this might take years. And then, I tell you that I don’t drink and drive. And I tell you that I have never had a late night accident. I reach back home safe and then declare “Look I reached safely because I don’t drink and drive”. Sound like a line specifically woven to suit personal convenience, giving and ego boost and a typical show off. Now, for people who just look at the first step in the process and jump to a conclusion it might sound like the following:
My ability to control my drink is too low so I can’t drive
I am lying so that I don’t put myself in trouble later
I am too scared of what might happen if I do it
I am a law abiding citizen
I have a passion for showing off ethics and principles
It might be any of the above, but missing the one point. I know you have already started to think on these lines. But did you realize that the while you were brooding over these negative possibilities, it might be impossible to think beyond them?? Nature is kind. She’ll give you whatever you look for. You go looking for shit; you’ll surely get enough and more. But the one missing point is that you have already forgotten my lines about thought formation, analysis, synthesis and practice. And then say you are an individual who has had your fair share of life and it has given you enough conflicting thoughts about faith, confidence, belief etc then you have had it. You, for one, do not have an undeterred faith in what you claim to believe. Two, you try to evaluate this person’s principle and try to fit the established into the evolving; sounds interesting. And of course it will appear that the other person is trying to fit everything to personal convenience. The thought has been there, taken root and grown into a strong habit that the action is always in sync with the words spoken. May be in everything he/she says. Simplest
of all, what are you that you are even trying to judge? Were you not the same one who said “Err…I have an open mind, I want to learn, and I want to understand better blah blah blah…”????? So where is all the learning approach, ability to have an open mind etc now? I’ll tell you what happened in between. You wanted to learn, not because you really wanted to learn. You wanted to understand so that you can eliminate the conflicts sitting in your head about this person. Unfortunately, when the barrage of unacceptable concepts kicked in, your sanity turned into emotional vanity. Now there is no learning, no bull crap, just do something to soothe my ego so that I don’t fall apart due to hopelessness and desperation for understanding. And you expect to learn.
2. Decision making and Indecisiveness: It may sound well out of place but your consistency and rationale in decision making does play a major role in how well you live to your albeit untrue concept of true love with integrity and commitment. Let me ask you how long it takes for you to choose, from a huge range of options, what to eat? Or which shirt to buy? Or which watch to buy? Let me also give you a possible answer, Forever. The answer in most cases is “Forever” not to denote any lacking in the individual but due to the inherent inconsistencies in choices made and the driving factors. Say you had a pleasant drive but you are starving. The situation is adverse but your mood is not upset. So you’ll settle into some cheap food without qualms and say “wow, road side food is tasty”. If you happen to see a rat sniffing at the vessels, the immediate reaction is about hygiene. Damn me! How in a fraction of seconds your priorities changed? The same food you were relishing suddenly becomes a thing to avoid. But let’s take it that you ate it due to an absolute lack of choice. Very innocuous phrase, this one. “Absolute lack of choice”. Doesn’t sound like anything where in fact, it is, everything. The want for a decision only arises in a state where there is choice. Now in life, you chose to be with someone, not because you were pushed into it. Then you say I am committed. Then you get to see and hear things that weren’t poked into at the time of commitment. To save your ego, you pushed yourself into a state where you were left with no choice. Then since conflict arose, you are looking for options. The immediate options available are to find what is lacking here somewhere else, to curb natural want or need or then dry out your emotions. So where is decision making involved here? Ha ha ha!!!!! Got you reeling? It’s a good feeling to see someone hapless and hopeless, sadistic? Nope. It reaffirms that I am on the right track and there are things in me that a lot of my anthropoid neighbors are yet to discover. Decision making comes in at the point where you didn’t miss reading but missed understanding. “Then since conflict arose”….this where the doors of choice opened up. You can attempt to evade but you will infinitely recourse to this same point in trying to make it better for yourself without making a decision at this point. At this point is where all the indecisiveness that characterizes your being right from sudden changes in priorities to taking two hours to choose a shirt you would wear for one day in a month kicks in and makes your emotional intelligence go diving deep into the abyss. In such a state your frail attempts at understanding logic fail. Simply because of two things:
a. When you are emotional, your sense of logic doesn’t fail. It just stops. Screech!!!
b. When you burst out and vent due to the frustration of the conflict, your emotions and words pour out too fast and your logic cannot keep up.
Come on. State one thing in life that would not do without logic or reasoning excepting those that are taken for granted, like why do I have to pee? But when it comes to explaining your own behavior you refute the need for logic and justify that not always things follow a logical path. Sounds inconsistent? Familiar? And the ramification of such behavior is immediately on the individual you so truly love. Like the rat spoiled your lunch, your rat is your indecision regarding your approaches to situations. If you everread the Definitions and Principles part well, you would by then know that having a well established, unshakeable and practical system of principles, you are never in indecision. Because you have already made your choice. Your action and decision is pre-programmed. Your guiding system will come to your rescue and tell you, “Look kid, this is what you have been, so make sure what you do now is still in line with what you have been doing”. SO then there is your answer for all the stops made in life thinking about
what to do or what to try.
3. The Quest: Now to talk of the ever present human nature; we are social beings, emotional, caring, we can reason and we judge. The problem is that over centuries and millennia of existence and evolution, things have somewhat come to be taken for granted. Especially the aspect of reasoning. Ask a school going kid why he bows down to God. You’ll know what I am talking about. The sense of reasoning has been conditioned to most aspects to an extent where questioning them or having an alternate opinion is Blasphemy. And we do all of these without ever considering the repercussions or benefits of either doing or not doing it. We are just Zombies moving about mechanically in a programmed environment. With all of these, one stupid ass crazy damned fool stands up and says to the Zombies, “Hello!! All of you don’t even know why you exist, you are no more natural”. Now this is the crazy insane individual you are in love with or is your son or is you teacher or someone close to you. For the fear of persecution and ridicule you try to “normalize” him by asking him to reduce his level of liberties, by challenging the fundamentals of his notions and try to fit him into your framework of assessment. This would be the same exercise of trying to pull back in air that has left the balloon.
Let’s consider the following aspects of human behavior versus animal nature:
Animals eat, sleep, procreate and die. If need be, they adapt. If they don’t adapt, they die. Humans created technology, invented modern mechanisms to understand biology nature, psychology and formed civilizations, built a great many empire, wrote history, went on conquests, explored new lands, realized GOD, formed varying systems of religious beliefs etc etc. What are the driving factors??? Sex, hunger and Adaptation. Nothing more, nothing less. My uncle is in US and I want to talk to him. It’s a need. So call him up. How? Cell phone. What does this denote??? Need?? Nope. The causative is a need, the driver is adaptation. In an ideal scenario, you would meet your uncle in person. You adapted to the inevitable truth of his absence by which manifested a need for technology that prompted you to go looking to buy a cell phone. Isn’t it so sad to realize you are still an animal in your existential truths? So is your famed tag of “CEO….Triple PhDs”. It’s still basic. You need to earn to feed yourself, may be you feed on some minced pork while I settle for bread. It’s the same driver all the same. So you are an animal. So it shall be written!
Someone instituted a system for reproduction, just like an assembly line in a factory where raw material is inspected and granted sanction to be used for manufacturing. Your parents inspect your groom/bride, you inspect them too, then a sanction is granted to go ahead and marry. And then you end up playing badminton all your life. Is that why you marry? Nope, you get married to get laid. Legally. Which is why extra marital and pre marital relationships are viewed from a largely negatively skewed angle. And then, what is the basic point in any of these relationships? Married, unmarried, extra-marital, gay…whatever….SEX. It’s the ultimate objective. To have a freaking orgasm. When you weren’t having any, you didn’t know what it was, you largely dreamt of true love. Now that I have shattered you perception you are but left with one choice. So Decide. Or is it going to take so long even now?
Then again, the institution of marriage has a large part to play in keeping up the drama created by your so called heroic and divine ancestors. Now I have to say “you” all the time, because you are human (as your mind is still fighting to resolve) and I know for damn sure that all I am is and will be, a simple animal. Marriage, keeps bonds tight for a lifetime. Yes, the same ones where you keep cribbing about a nagging mother in law or a sob story soap influenced wife or sister in law or an alcoholic irresponsible idiot of a husband. It is true that these bonds keep you happy. But as everything in life and NATURE (For your kindest information) everything is supposed to be temporary. Unfortunately, for you, in your quest for that eternal peace and happiness, you try to make all of these permanent and suffer setbacks. After about a couple of centuries of all this crap, this becomes the norm. A problem that became inherent in the system and is now accepted as “part of the package”. Now who created this?? Did nature ask anybody to marry?? Excepting swans and a few species of birds that live together for a lifetime not because of love or any such illusion but because of the natural selection where their period of co-habitation determines the continuous reproduction cycle from a specific genetic pool, nature warrants no commitment. And first you thrust upon yourself a law that doesn’t exist, second you accuse others of not abiding by these “morals” which have no place in the original scheme of things anyway. It is but true that when you digress from your point of origin you cannot see why you shouldn’t be doing something. Then you start inventing words like infidelity, morality, elope and counter your “oh so beautiful” animalistic orgasm as an artistic way of expressing emotional coherence. Hmph!
The dictionary is too full but the world is too void of any expression but for some programmed response. After such a beating you take at the hands of your “society” you wonder why sages and other the other greatest enlightened ones always preferred the “company of god” and lived in jungles. You darn idiot of an ass. They weren’t in any company of a some idealistic God. It was a simple attempt to avoid all of these unnatural manifestations of human existence that you created out of your reason but have stopped reasoning. Why the heck do you think then people say that he who wants God needs to renounce this world??? Because in this world of your there is no good, nor god. It’s full of fallacies and lies that drive you against your own nature. In doing this, the basic essentials of the original “raw material” are modified and any chance of approval of anything outside of your small little disillusioned framework is negated. Now talk to me about true love and humanism. And about my madness. And why you can’t understand me. And why can’t relate to my thoughts. And why everything I say and do seems like it’s tailored to my convenience. I am peaceful. I have no conflict about what I believe. I have no reasons to doubt myself, my ability or my existential truth. I have absolutely no regard for morals and rules that are man made except that I, as an animal, adapt and pretend to follow for the sake of survival. I know what I am, what I want, what I need and where I belong. I distinguish myself from the crowd and I have a self identity strong enough to beat the bullshit out of anyone. I rarely seek help and I am self sufficient. I am never indecisive and have no regrets about anything I am or decided upon. I see there is no problem for me to deal with.
You have a problem with almost every single line of what I stated above or related to it. So
who needs to go to work? Me or you?
Yours Peacefully
The Godman
MCMLXXXII A.D.
